Damn Straight We Are, Senator Grassley
In case you haven't heard, the Americans are upset that a bunch of high-testosterone, gun-toting real men hired Columbian prostitutes. This was confusing to us, but now it turns out they're just upset they didn't hire quality Russian prostitutes.
This is a valid concern, but it is not the worst of it. The Americans should be ashamed of their secretive service men. Not only did they hire lesser, non-big-souled prostitutes, but they also haggled poorly. Everyone knows that if you haggle with a prostitute and she brings in the militzia, you have to pay full price to her and full price to the officer. That is not savvy shopping.
United States Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) expressed his concern in this manner:
Who knows who might be using prostitutes? The Russians are famous for that to get information out of us. You want to know that the president is protected.
Yes you do, Senator. And yes we are.