People's Unity Day

November 4

We can disagree on many things, but we all agree it is great that we kicked out the Poles. Let us celebrate with banners and flags and perhaps the gentle remonstrating of a random foreign-looking person.

Anniversary of the October Revolution

November 7

Happy anniversary! Remember our first kiss? You, me, the baby carriage rolling down the stairs, gunshots in the distance, the soft touch of my tongue against the delicate gag-reflex nerve ganglia at the back of your throat...

Day of Accord and Reconciliation

November 7

This has been cancelled. Do not read too much into that.

World Youth Day and Militia Day

November 10

Traditionally, on this day the world youth get together to celebrate and the militia celebrate by oppressing them.

International Student's Day

November 17

This is two holidays in one, depending on how you interpret the word "International". In one sense, it's international in that every student everywhere is encouraged to celebrate. In another sense, it's the day when we all go out and beat up international students. Again, everyone wins.

Rocket and Artillery Forces Day

November 19

Avoid the temptation to make dirty jokes about this day. Also avoid the temptation to make up nasty pick-up lines for use on this day. Such puerile humor is inappropriate on the day we honor the forces which defend our land with their mighty metal penises.